Forever Dreaming of White
by lucy forst
Summary: The Potions Master and the color white have a long, long history... Set in Alternate Universe


Disclaimer: All characters mentioned in this story are the property of J.K. Rowling. Please don't sue me…I don't have much, anyways T_T

This one's for all the lost souls out there.

**Forever Dreaming of White **

"_Love is not written on paper, for paper can be erased. Nor is it etched on stone, for stone can be broken. But it is inscribed on a heart and there it shall remain forever."_

_- Anonymous_

There was white everywhere.

White curtains.

White tables.

White chairs.

White floor.

White flowers.

White wine.

And then there was _her_…

She was draped in a long white, silken dress and no matter how much he hated the color white, he could not deny that she was the most beautiful work of art, crafted by the hands of God Himself, which he had ever laid eyes on.

She took his breath away.

He watched coyly from behind the white and golden door that someone had left ajar as the women fussed about her, pinning up her voluminous, red hair that kept slipping out of its position or applying color those eye lids of hers which hid the most spectacular set of emerald green eyes.

She needed none of that.

She was already so beautiful that she out topped beauty itself. How could anyone, _anyone_ deny that? Then, slowly the hullabaloo around her ceased and she dismissed them, telling them that she needed sometime on her own. They merely glanced at each other with a knowing look in each of their eyes and nudging they went out the back, giggling like a couple of first years.

'How immature,' he thought to himself, and slowly pushed the door open. For a moment she was startled by the movement but then she saw the slightly crooked nose and long, jet black hair that hid equally black eyes and so she smiled at him. "Hey, Sev," she almost whispered. He tried smiling back but all he could manage to produce was a crooked grin which made her giggle.

'Well,' he thought, 'at least I am worth something.'

"Are you ready?" He asked her as he held out his arm, "If you are," she replied with a reassuring smile. He simply nodded for he could not bear to see the look on her face if said, "I never will be."

The organ played, the groom stood tall, the bride walked down the aisle. Everybody was looking at the bride but nobody noticed the shadow that was walking beside her. "She's just like a dream…" Remus whispered and everybody silently agreed, but nobody knew what he did. Indeed, she was a dream, a fleeting dream at that and reality was shaking him, trying to wake him up but no matter what happened he just could not let that dream go.

Then suddenly he was pulled out of his thoughts by a small nudge and the preacher repeated his question. "Who gives this woman in marriage?" And he said, "I do," The groom reached out to take her hand and he, though unwillingly, put her hand into the groom's and then he exited the church, without a word because he couldn't see her standing with that man, kissing him, promising herself to him for the rest of forever.

He can't.

He won't

Or he shall die…

Half an hour later he found himself taking her slender hands into his own as her long, pale fingers intertwined with his, he found it difficult to even lay a finger on her for she was no longer his, first. First, she was her husband's and then she would be of her family and the children that would come in a year or so, and then a lot of new friends would be squeezed in and then maybe, maybe he would find his name somewhere on her list. He'd be happy even if he were last. He missed those days where he could simply say "My Lily,"

But he can't.

"What's the mattered Sev?" Her sweet voice interrupted his thoughts and he looked down at her, "You know…this isn't exactly my thought of a father-daughter dance," she murmured and the color on her cheeks rose. "Thanks for being there for me," she sighed and laid her head on his chest.

His heart skipped a beat.

She was so close but what was the difference? He had lost her…she was no longer plain old Lily like she had been yesterday and all yesterdays before that he had known her.

Today, she was Mrs. James Potter.

"I mean, you were really good tonight, not even one sarcastic comment-" "Lily…" he said, interrupting her for the first time in his life, "Today I speak, hmm?" She looked up at him with wide, surprised green eyes and then nodded, "Oh…oh, alright."

He took a deep breath as the music played on and the couples spun around the dance floor in the golden light of the candles, "Lily, if I…if I ever thought that no matter what happened you would always, _always_ be mine then I was just naïve. If I thought that James was just an infatuation then I was insensitive and if I cannot say today what I've been meaning to tell you, then I'm just a coward-"

"-Severus, what-"

"I never really realized that I'd never be able to become anything more to you than little, old Sev-next-door or that you'd ever become anything more than Lily Evans. I never really thought that you'd ever walk down the aisle with me being the one having to give you away. But you know what Lily, I was lucky; I was so lucky to even give you away because that meant that once, if not for too long, I had you-"

"-Nothing will change, Severus-"

"I know that when you said 'I do' you really meant it, that you were sure of what you wanted and you know what Lily, you honestly look like a dream wrapped in white silk, gliding over the dance floor in my arms tonight as the moonlight comes in through these windows but you look like reality only in his arms, and isn't a dream more beautiful when you wake up and find yourself living it?"

"No! It's not like that! Why are you telling this to me? Why now?" She stiffened and clutched the fabric of his black coat in her tiny little fingers. So, she wasn't deaf and blind and she'd always suspected that he had a little crush on her but she thought it would soon pass. However, it hadn't…

"Because it's too late, Lily…Because it's always been too late," he replied, his voice was drained of all life he might have once had.

"But-"

"Would it have made a difference?"

"…I…I don't…No."

Then the music stopped. She slowly untwined her fingers from his and she heard him say, "Are you happy?" he breath stopped mid-way. That question…it made her…could she answer? Did she know?

"Yes," she answered and looked into his eyes as they softened. He cupped her cheek in his hand and brushed back a stray lock of red hair, then he leaned forward and whispered softly into her ear, "Goodbye Lily," and then, all of a sudden, a swarm of guests surrounded her. Her husband took her hand. People congratulated her. Laughter and wine filled the air. And from the midst of the crowd, from her spot as the center of attention she watched, while the moments passed at a torturously slow pace, as he walked out of the grand hall. She wanted to go after him, run as fast as her legs would take her but then she looked down at the large solitaire on her ring finger and the proud man whose arm encircled her waist and they stopped her, and all that was left of him were his words that echoed in her head…

_Because it's too late, Lily…_

_Because it's always been too late…_

The next morning as Mrs. Lily Evans Potter untangled herself from her sleeping husband's grasp, wrapped herself in a bathrobe and fetched the local newspaper from the front door of their little honeymoon cottage in the middle of nowhere, she read the headlines: '**Potions Master of Hogwarts: No More.'**

They found the body of a certain Severus Snape lying at the bottom of a frozen lake, with his neck strangled by the weeds as the snow covered the world in the color that he hated the most – white, and the man had his reasons for his prejudice.

And if still today, one went to his watery grave where he still lays – painless, serene – the words that were never said can still be heard…

_Because you were a dream…_

_Because I could not wake up…_

_Because I could not lose you…_

_So, just to keep whatever of you is left in the past with me, I will sleep…_

_Forever…_

A/N: Sorry for the depressing stories of late guys, *sigh* just having a hard time…


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